Live the Life You Imagine

Sadly, this will be the final blog post of my UAE experience. It has finally come to a close. It feels like ages ago that I first stepped out onto my 18th floor balcony in Sharjah, so thrilled by the city lights, ready for a fresh experience. It hasn't fully hit me yet that I've just said goodbye to everyone I've known for two years, and some of them I may never see again. There were tears, and there will be heartbreak, but I would never wish it didn't happen. It has become a part of me, of us all. It's interesting to see which goodbyes make you sadder than others.It's sometimes those you wouldn't expect. I was so touched by many of the kind words said by others about our time together, and tears came to my eyes as I hugged tightly to those I've made a connection with, however small. We're still all humans, in the same boat, trying for the same things. And we had the privilege to meet each other on our journeys. How lucky we were! In our school, we have cleaners that stand by the bathrooms and keep them neat and tidy. There were two ladies, one from India and one from Nepal, Beena and Mona, who were special to me. They always had a smile on their faces and a kind word or a laugh. I desperately wanted to give them a gift because they don't earn very much money. Our school puts up a collection for them at the end of every semester so that each cleaner can get some extra money, but I wanted to do something extra for these two ladies. Unfortunately, our last day of school was cancelled, so I didn't get the chance to do it, but on the day before the last, I found on my desk a roughly written note saying, "Dear Miss, u not here, u friend. miss you." Next to the note was a bag, and in it was a gift. I received a gift from Mona, a woman who makes less than a 1/4 of my salary. This sweet person found the time and the money to give me a gift, someone who just shared a few smiles and laughs with her from time to time. How amazing is that? Life can be surprising. Never underestimate it.

After two long years in the sand, I wait in the Heathrow airport, trying to come to terms with all that's happened. It's almost as if it was a dream. Whenever I return home, the memories of the UAE seem to fade away as if they never existed. Friends and family are as they always were, and after a while, it's as if I never even left.

I was watching TV recently and learned that there has been a scientific study to show that crossing a threshold makes you forget. For example, you leave your keys in another room, and you cross the threshold of the doorway to collect them but forget why you've entered that room in the first place. It feels a little bit like that. The incredible distance and the amount of miles are like my threshold that puts a veil between my previous life in the US and my life in the UAE. Sometimes it puts a veil between my old self and who I am now. It's easy to return back to your old self, but then you cheat people out of the chance to see your "Big Reveal." Now, let me explain this. The "Big Reveal" is when you return back to a place that you haven't been for a long time, and you want people to see your best self. You want to show them how thin and healthy you are, how super cool and interesting you are, and how much more grown up you are. It's a lot of pressure, but it's something my friends and I in Sharjah laugh about and try for. If we're out sunbathing together, we'll say, "Just preparing for the big reveal!" Or if we choose carrots instead of cake, it's, "Gotta get ready for the big reveal!"
Unfortunately, it never pans out as you hoped, and your family and friends never truly see who you've become, but it's worth a shot. At least you know within yourself.

I've left the UAE many times, either to come back home for a bit or to travel somewhere else, but it's not clicking that I'm not going back this time. Now comes the time that I've been secretly dreading. It'll be where I return home, and everyone will be excited and interested for a while, but then it's like, "What next?" or "It's time to figure yourself out." "You need to get a job." Yes. Of course. This is an obvious statement, so it's not necessary to say. But, how could I ever choose anything that would be as exciting or dramatic as what I've just done? How can I keep up with myself and this path of life I've started? It can't end. If I never travel again or never find something I enjoy and that stimulates me, I'll just rot from the inside out. I know it, and that scares me. I always think of this quote from Lord of the Rings where Eowyn tells Aragorn she fears neither death nor pain, and he asks her what she does fear. She says, "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire." Ever since I was a kid, I've resonated with these words. I believe this is my greatest fear- to come to the end and have nothing to show for it or say for myself.
It is now that I will have another turning point in my life.

I feel all of this potential swirling inside of me and something like fire in the palms of my hands, ready to burst in any direction. Secretly, it excites me, and I enjoy the mystery of it all. But I'm also filled with fear, looking down, hoping my hands aren't getting burned. I've always been a walking contradiction. I like black and white, but I'm constantly living in gray. I want answers, yet I enjoy the mystery of the future, feeling the warmth and excitement of what could be.

I don't know if it's God, or luck, or fate, but I was recently reminded of the strength I have within myself. I was surrounded by some good friends who saw me in a light I've never seen myself in before: as someone who could do anything she wanted to, as someone with power and potential. I don't have to go home to just atrophy and return to nothingness. I can do something--anything! And it might not fit into others' ideas of what I should do, but if living away has taught me one thing, it's this: everyone else worries about themselves, so why shouldn't you? Stop worrying about what everyone else is going to think and do what makes you happy and what fulfills you. That's what I want. I want the space to decide freely what to do next: using my talents, helping others, gaining fresh perspectives, having new experiences, and enjoying the world! It's always so funny returning home to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. It's as if I'm an old puzzle piece that's changed my shape so that I don't fit anymore. I'm not the same, and I feel like a stranger sometimes to my old places. I can't unsee what I've seen, undo what I've done, or unexperience what I've gone through. I'm changed, and thank God for it. I wouldn't trade this gift for the world.

So, I know this quote may be cheesy, and I've read it a hundred times, but just a few days ago I saw it again, and it struck something in me. It gave me comfort. "Live the life you imagine." It doesn't say, "Live the life your parents tell you to live." or "Live the life your friends expect." No. "Live the life YOU imagine!" How liberating and encouraging! It's what I needed to hear at just the right time.
I hope it can be encouraging to you all as well. Hey, I'm all for pessimism and being jaded and pretending you had a hard life (as my mother would say), but you can't shy away from the truth of your desires! Do what fulfills you and fills your heart with joy, and you will change the world.

Thank you for your constant support and encouragement during my time across the water!

How to Love and The Travel Anklet

Ever since I was a kid, I was always worried that I was kind of heartless, like I had no emotion. I'm not sure what made me think this, but it's bothered me to this day. I think because I've seen other people get so emotionally attached to things and people, and I didn't understand that. A pet would die, and it would crush them. They would talk to their parents everyday on the phone, or a distant relative was having a wedding, and they were DESPERATE to get to it. My friends would get into a relationship with someone, and they would need to spend all of their time with them. I didn't get it, and I looked inside myself and thought, "Hmm...perhaps I'm just cold and have no heart." I didn't feel things to the extent that everyone else seemed to feel them. I was concerned that I'd never be able to love something or someone to the amount that I "should". To me, love is a scary emotion. As a worrywart by  nature, I don't need something extra to worry about. If I love something, and it goes away, won't I be crushed forever and unable to recover? That was what I feared and do fear.
But, I didn't really find my heart until a bunch of crazy heads helped me discover it. (52 total crazy heads to be exact).

The teacher has now become the student to 27 insane individuals. I came to the realization while I was on my trip in Nepal talking to someone about my job. I felt warm inside and just couldn't shut up about those kids. They have literally driven me to the edge of insanity, and they have made me understand the importance of finding inner peace, yet I would give anything and do anything to help them and support them. I believe I've mentioned before that my class is known around school as the "bad" class of year 3. It's actually the worst combination possible. We had to get rid of one of them and move him to another class. But, I realized quite late in the year, that they're MY crazy and MY wild. And, the other student was moved before I realized this. If it was now, I wouldn't want to part with any one of them. My first year of teaching was similar, but this year I truly felt like I've come into my own as a person, and these young bucks have really helped me on my journey.
We have battled together for 9 months and have now come out on the other end, understanding each other a bit better and surviving. I will never forget this class and what they've meant to me. It's the best when you can truly say that you love the "worst" kid in your class, and you would go to bat for him if he needed it. That's when I knew that yes, I have finally at least begun to understand what love truly is: the giving of yourself for someone else, understanding the true intrinsic value of a PERSON, as opposed to the sum total of their gifts or accomplishments. I have just been amazed to see my students come out of their shells, and we just have a blast now. They have made me better, and for that, I am forever grateful to them. It will be a bittersweet goodbye. Hopefully we leave each other a little something to carry into the rest of our lives.

And the rest of our lives is something that's been on my mind of late. Obviously, that's because I am making a huge change and heading back to America after 2 years overseas. I thought this is what I wanted. I originally thought, "I'll go home and do the settle down thing and be perfect girl at last." But, now I'm not so sure. I do want to go home and spend time with friends and fam and get back into American life in some way. But, living over here has changed me, and I can't ever go back to what I once was. What will I end up doing in the end? I ask myself. I feel like my whole life I've been waiting for an adventure to start, like where I ride on dragons and save the day by the blade of my sword! But....It's not quite been panning out that way. As my time of departure approaches, I do get a bit nervous because I feel like now, there will be pressure to actually discover what I'm supposed to be doing and to start doing it! But, I see life as a mixture of events and adventures, and it's a little bit exciting to not know what will happen next. But I also don't want to end up on my death bed being like, "Well, I kind of messed that one up." The universe must have known that I needed some encouragement because one of my coworkers, who I have spoken to multiple times about this kind of thing, pulled me into her office one day. She's a bit older than me, and she's really great to work with. She pulled a silver anklet out of a lovely handmade bag. She said, "I just found these the other day. They're part of a set of two, and I got them on my wedding day. And, I don't know why, but I thought of you, and I want you to have it. I just feel like you're going to travel and do something good with your life, and when you do, you just let me know." I was so incredibly touched by this simple act. Someone believed in me, and someone thought something of me and my life. How amazing is that?? I accepted the gift with a grateful heart, and said to her, "Oh my god, I don't have a clue what I'm going to do." She replied, "I like people that don't have a clue. Because I feel stuck in doing the same thing." I was uplifted by this conversation, and I have something as a tangible reminder to enjoy my life and to believe in my ability to do something good with it.

Namaste (The Spirit that lives in me, greets the Spirit that lives in you)

So, I went on an epic journey across the Arabian Sea to the land of everlasting beauty and peace: Nepal! For some reason, ever since Mr. Campbell's 7th grade geography class, I've wanted to see the place where Mount Everest lives.

Unfortunately, for my friend Charlotte and I, Mount Everest resides in the far northeast of Nepal, and the places where we wanted to go were in the southwest. Nepal is actually much bigger than expected. So, Mount Everest wasn't seen, but we saw plenty of other snow-capped mountains.

This past year, I've sort of gotten into the genre of yoga, healthy eating, inner peace, and loving yourself before you can love the world, etc. It sounds wayyy hokey, but I've found a lot of truth in it. This is my more current reason for wanting to go to Nepal. I needed a break from the UAE lifestyle, and I sought peace. I wanted to go to a meditation retreat for most of the time, but then life got in the way, as usual.

My friend Charlotte decided to join me, so I decided we'll do a little sightseeing first, and then we'll do a shorter med retreat, which included yoga, healthy eating, and meditation of course. Our first stop was Kathmandu, only place where you can fly into. Cramped, dirty, smelly, was the title of our airplane journey. I sat next to a Nepalese man who was bald with a moustache and wore fake underarmour tattoo sleeves. He smelled like a headache, and he showed me pictures from his scrapbook. Fabulous. Three and a half hours later, we arrived and the airport was our first introduction to Nepal life. Armed with our rupees, we went to the desk to buy a visa, only finding out we actually needed US dollars to pay for it. So much for loving your own country, Nepal. But, living in this area of the world, you're used to hiccups. Many of them. Perhaps happening more than once in a day, or once in an hour. We came to the hotel and proceeded to spend two days in Kathmandu, hanging out and going out. Our hotel loved us so much, that the restaurant used to call us in the evening to come up for dinner. That's when we had to give it to them straight and say, "Sorry guys, but we've got super cool plans." Kathmandu on a night out is interesting. Charlotte and I just looked up some good places in trip advisor and headed out to the very narrow and busy streets of Thamel, the cool/hip area of Kathmandu. There were loads of westerners: mostly lots of older people and young couples. So, unfortunately, the most we mingled was with awkward Nepalese men who did not possess the understanding of personal space or being "good times". I hate introducing myself as an American and then having non-Westerners tell me, "Oh, I've been there." Trying to impress the American. Come on, many people have. It's a huge place. It makes me feel guilty because I've never been to Las Vegas, or San Francisco, or the Grand Canyon, and they gasp in shock. "I live with the Amish people, folks. It's way cooler." In Nepal, they sell some local beer. Choices are Tuborg, Ghata, and Everest. I have tried all three and have come to the conclusion that Tuborg was my favorite. Unfortunately, all of these beers come in mega bottles. So there's no, let's have a quick drink at this bar and then move on. You're stuck there, sucking down your 650 mil beer. Makes your eyes go crossed after about two at that altitude. Nepal lesson one--learned. In Kathmandu, there were a few cool sites, such as one of the holiest, or maybe the holiest Hindu temple, which we weren't allowed to fully enter, but we could see a religious dance going on, and we sort of came upon corpses burning down by the river. It was a little bit scarring, especially since other people were just milling about, seeing it as a normal occurrence. We also went to a place called the Dream Garden. It's in this inner courtyard, with coy ponds, green landscape, beautiful trees and flowers and stone steps. We sat in silence and enjoyed it, and then had an amazing lunch within the garden because we didn't want to leave.

After Kathmandu, we headed to our safari in Chitwan, 8 HOURS AWAY IN A SWEATY BUMPY BUS. I kept thinking, "Wow, my mother would hateeee this." Nepal is mountainous, so as you're driving, you're on the edge of cliff, going around big turns and looking downwards at your potential doom. It was gorgeous though, really. Green and huge and the sunlight hitting all of the edges and corners was just a sight for sore eyes after miles of dust and the color tan I see in Sharjah everyday. The safari turned out to be my favorite part. We were put in a group with four other people, and we stayed in this nice safari-like hotel within a little village. It was out in the middle of nowhere. We went on a walking tour of the village where locals were living in huts, working on the rice fields, or riding in a wagon pulled by cattle. It was amazing and earthy and real. We really clicked with our safari group, and hung out with them in the evenings. The hotel provided us with each meal and even had a mini bar for those late nights. During our stay in Chitwan, we had a peaceful smooth canoe ride, a jungle walk, a visit to the elephant breeding center, and an elephant safari, It was brilliant. The canoe ride was my favorite because we went at about 6:30 in the morning, and the water was so smooth. The canoe (made out of a hollowed out tree trunk) just glided through easily, bringing us past the edge of the verdure of the jungle, and all we heard was the rippling of water and the singing of exotic birds. On our last evening, we went to a cultural dance of the Tharu people, who are the native people to Chitwan. Every moment was enjoyed, and I was happy we made the choice to come there. Some of our safari friends were heading to our next destination too, and we actually rode on the NEXT 8 hour bus with them to Pokhara, the land of the lake :).

Pokhara was a little more lively and beautiful in a different way. While Chitwan was a bit more rustic and down in the dirt, Pokhara had more of a nightlife scene, with a lot of young adventurers/hippies living there long term. Charlotte and I arrived, and this was where we'd planned to head to the meditation center. But again, life got in the way. Apparently, some strikes were going on in Nepal, and they'd shut down public transportation. Our tourist bus had to be clearly marked TOURISTS, so that rioters didn't throw stones at us. (I think I need to stop traveling in South Asia). So, thank God for wifi and iphones. I was able to quickly book a hotel on the bus before we got out, because the only drivers available were hotel cars come to pick up their guests. Our safari friends headed to their place, and their driver came back for us. We stayed in a lovely hotel where we could walk to everything, and we had an amazing time. Not quite the meditation retreat, but it worked out possibly even better than expected. Charlotte and I walked along the lake, went out for dinner, and met up with our safari friends for drinks. The next day we took a canoe across the lake and went on a beautiful uphill hike to a peace pagoda. It was perfect weather, and it was a long hike but worth it for the view. A lake surrounded by green mountains with snow-capped ones in the background--geez, it was like a magazine. Pictures can never capture what you feel in the moment of seeing something like this. I sought peace, and nature brings me that peace. What a warm, beautiful feeling you get from such an awe-inspiring view. That's why I love traveling. I take mental pictures, and then I can flip through them whenever I like. What an unfading gem to possess. After that, it was pretty much all DOWNHILL from there (get it?) Oh, I am my father's daughter.

In the evening, Charlotte was feeling ill, so she went home, and I drank a lovely tea on the balcony of a restaurant with live music and read my $1.50 German book. There were loadsss of German people there, so I had my chance to practice up a bit. There were also great book shops, so finding a German book wasn't too difficult. And of course, I bought a few spiritual type books as well.
On our last day in Pokhara, Charlotte didn't feel well, so I went on my own and dropped into a cheap yoga and meditation class. It was lovely. 75 minutes of relaxing yoga with a great instructor, and at the end we had a 5 minute meditation session. This is what I needed; this is what I had come for. I wanted to connect with myself from within and bring myself back to peace and enjoy the solace I so craved. The yoga teacher brought up something interesting. She played music during the session because she said, "We don't live in a quiet world, so why should we create an artificial environment. We need to learn to have peace amidst the chaos." Later, I bumped into one of our safari friends, and their friend was sick too, so we hung out together for the rest of the day and had dinner. I got to see the lights against the lake at night, and that was the perfect farewell evening to breathtaking Pokhara. I didn't get to ride on the back of a moped, but that's ok.

Our final 8 hour bus trip=death. We headed back to Kathmandu. The public bathroom situation in Nepal is not a good one. So, be thankful every time you get to go to the bathroom in a place that doesn't have piles of "emissions" and flies surrounding the area. Out here, I've seen too many places where you just know a disease is lurking in the shadows looking at you. As a hypochondriac, I can't deal. Back to Kathmandu for us. We went back to the same hotel and were still called up for dinner at the hotel restaurant. This time, we went. We ran into their open arms, happy to be out of a sweaty dirty bus that rumbled excessively over the stones and got stuck in traffic. It made us want to end our lives and be done with it.
Our last night in Nepal was spent like two old folks, reading our purchased books in bed and going to sleep early. Another sweaty, smelly plane for us the next day! Yum...

So, Nepal didn't turn out as I'd hoped, but I think it was a little bit better. I enjoyed my time, I saw tons of amazing things, and despite everything...peace? Found loads. :)

Namaste

The Sand is Always Tanner and Freddy the Plant

Forgive my lengthy delay in writing a new post. Christmas was busy, and getting back into the swing of things has been quite an adjustment. But, it's official; it's been about 3 weeks since I've been back, and I'm no longer allowed to blame my laziness on jetlag or not being used to routine. :).

Over break, I realized that perhaps where I'm living is actually pretty cool. I found myself complaining to a bunch of US current residents in the middle of winter about how sometimes you get sick of the sun, and you just wish for a cloud in the sky or a rainy day. They scoffed at such ridiculousness, and I thought that, perhaps, the sand is always tanner on the other side. I did go to the beach the other day, and a tan in February is actually quite nice. But then, I find myself having a crush on my middle aged Al Mastabah restaurant man at the bottom of our building who I order wraps from. His name is Mostafa. That's when I know that things are getting bad out here.

It actually wasn't as difficult to come back as I expected. It was nice to see friends and to see the kids again (surprisingly). But...I spoke too soon. Last week we had the longest week of our lives. There was parents' meeting day which is an entire day lasting from 8 until 5. We meet with parents and blah blah blahed our faces off. Then, it was the class picture day where 85 percent of my students did not wear their regular school uniform because it was PE day, so I had to frantically retrieve 13 white uniform shirts that they could put on. They are year 3 students and they had to wear year 9 shirts, some of them. Utter disaster. That's when I slowly started to break down. Frenzy and Frazzle have become my middle names. After that, it was the Year 3 concert on Thursday, which we'd been preparing for since we returned. At our school, because it's high caliber (sarcasm), the teachers write the script and direct the play entirely. So, we have to use our teaching time to do so. The dance and music teacher prepare the songs and dances and help A LOT. So, our show this year was written by yours truly (I should start a new career), and it was about the seasons. Despite my concerns and my frenzied behavior on the day of the show, it went rather well. My students were rain because there are five classes and only five seasons. Their dance was to the Glee mashup of Rihanna's Umbrella song and Singin' in the Rain. It was awesome! I was so proud of them. Despite the fact that they make me want to go to an early grave, they actually mean so much to me that I almost cried when the music accidentally started without them being on stage yet! I so wanted them to enjoy their dance because they were excited about it! How much of a sap am I?! I'm turning into an old lady.
My roommate spent about a half hour in my room helping the kids with their costumes and makeup on the day of the concert, and when we were at home later, she told me, "Keri, I am so sorry. I could barely spend that half hour with your kids. How do you spend all day with them? As individuals, they're fine, but all together...no." THANK YOU! FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS!! I'M NOT MENTAL! My students are enough to drive you to the madhouse. I was doing fine, but then with all of last week's stress, I'd just had enough. I bet they're tired of hearing my loud, yelling voice, and I worry about getting a saggy, wrinkly neck prematurely because I'm talking to them so much. Good grief.

So, we are doing a plants unit in science right now. We have our own seeds up on the window growing in plastic bags with paper towels. It's so nice to see how excited they get about something so little! I decided this year that I would buy a class plant from the grocery store. It's one of those generic green plants you can get anywhere. I don't actually know what it is. So, anyway, I arrived with the plant, and it was this big deal. I told them they could name him. The night before, I was lying in bed and feeling in my heart of hearts that, "Hmm... I don't know, but I think the kids will name him Freddy." Random thought, right? So, we proceed to create a list of names. My class thinks of the most strangely "normal" names like Steve and John and Cameron. Spike and Fluffy were also suggested. Weird. And, in a very strange yet dreamlike turn of events, Freddy was put forward!! And Freddy won! I told them about my feeling from the night before. "Guys, this is crazy, but I knew you would name him Freddy!" So, that is what life has been like in 3B at SIA. (Sharjah International Academy).

In other news, back to the grind of brunches, dance parties, and late nights out. I'm getting to that point where I get tired earlier than I used to, and so during the week, I'm very intense about my bed time. How sad. I should just stay home and do crossword puzzles forever, maybe. Looking forward to upcoming events such as a possible trip to Jordan to see Petra; a visit from my father and sister and bro-in law, and a spring break trip hopefully to Nepal! 5 more months left of this, people. Then, I'm back to the US.

Strangely enough, 7 people are leaving their contracts early or have left. SEVEN! That means that the school is so horrible, that people literally cannot stand to be there any longer then they have to. It seems to be a weekly occurrence where someone says, "Hey, we've got a runner!" A runner is defined as someone who leaves the school but does it suddenly, under the cover of night. We've just been told about one that left a week ago under the guise of a family member's death. Come on, that's terrible. And the others just hate it so much, they had to leave. So, the school may be literally falling apart from the inside out. All I can do is keep going with my mental case class and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all!! They are a fun bunch and as my friend the music teacher says, "Your kids are actually going to grow up to be really cool people. They're just in that terrible annoying stage right now." So, that's what's keeping me going. :). I've also purchased what I call a COMPLAINT JAR. On it is a picture of a cartoon face that is the same face that I make when students come to complain to me about their baby problems or walk up to me in the middle of class instead of raising their hand. So, students write their complaints and stuff them in the jar. The brilliant part is, is that I am unable to open the jar. It's actually a sealed tin. But, the kids don't know that. Mwahaha. Is that the definition of a bureaucratic government? Not sure. My roommate called me a Fascist Leader. Ah well, at least I am finally free of the world of "he pushed me and he said this and he won't let me play." I can sigh in relief. At least for now. One day, they'll find out I can't open the jar. Then, what shall I do? 

Off to bed now! I'll blog again sooner than the last time I hope.

The Grateful Turkey

I wish I could just send an email to God, you know? Like, hey, what's up? I REALLY need to know if the Loch Ness monster is real, and could you also give me some insight into what I'm supposed to do with my life? Great, thanks. P.S. Sorry if I've been botching it up so far. -Keri
See? How easy would that be? Then, he'd respond and all of our questions could be answered.
I'm such a contradictory person. I love poetry and the whole abstractness of it, yet I crave black and white. Answers. Directions. Plans. I just want to do the right thing. For some reason, doing the wrong thing absolutely horrifies me. Where did I pick up this perfectionist disease?? It ruins everything, and it's like the most impossible disease to have.

I always joke with my sisters about having picked up the worst traits to have. Yeah, everyone has things to work on, and I always feel like mine are the hardest things. I struggle with not shoving 100 oreos into my mouth everyday, and my sister wishes she read more. I feel like I'm afraid of the future and worry about everything. My one friend says her biggest flaw is that her gum is a little lower on one of her front teeth. See the difference? :/ These things aren't comparable. I feel like I'm lost in a sea of people, of everything, and if I'm never going to be perfect at anything, how am I enough? How will I be valued? My sister mentioned that she thinks that maybe God is more interested in the good of mankind as a whole as opposed to caring for the individuals. That sounds about right to me. But, then, what's the purpose of one flawed, oreo-shoving person? Who knows. Add it to the list of things we'll never know...like...if the Loch Ness monster is real or if I was meant to do something other than what I'm doing, or whether God is what our cliché Christian education taught us he was, etc. (This Loch Ness thing really bugs me).

I have been teaching my class about Thanksgiving recently. One of the Higher Ability spelling words was grateful, and we've been discussing the suffix -ful etc. It was difficult to explain what the word thankful/grateful meant to kids whose first language is not English. We watched a video on how to draw a turkey and we made a list of things we're grateful for. They came up with some wonderful things. One student said they were grateful for their life! One said they were grateful for Ms. Keri (yesssss, score.) One said they were grateful that they had friends to play with. After listening to these things, I made my own short list for them to see. And I had a sentimental moment, and explained how if we woke up every day and thought of what we were grateful for, we wouldn't focus so much on the things we DON'T have. We also discussed the suffix -less. I said some people are jobless, homeless, or friendless. I am thankful to have a job, and a home, and friends!
I have been privileged to see the world. Heading to India next week. What a gift that is! I have also become someone entirely different than what I expected. ( a blessing in disguise) I get the chance to be with my family and friends for Christmas. What incredible things to be grateful for! Yes, there's so much I want, so much I expect, so much I worry about not having, but I have been given so much, and have done so much that I sometimes forget! This Thursday, I plan on being a big ol' grateful turkey over here in the sandpit. And maybe have an oreo or two...or 100.
Happy Thanksgiving!

"Just" Living it up

Forgive the depressing feeling I left in my last blog post. It was a moment in time, and it needed to be shared. Yes, I do miss my friends and my family, but when I go home to visit, it is always the same with them, so that is one comfort.
I've just been reading a book that claims that moods/anxiety/depression is all a matter of brain chemistry and your body not getting enough of the essential nutrients it needs because the RDA is actually too low. So, that's also comforting in a way. Just need to find my essential nutrients, and I'll feel better! haha

Anyway, life is going on. Who wants to spend their 25th year of life on worrying about the small things and only looking forward to the future? Every day brings its own small treasures, and over time I've realized the vast amount of important things that I've learned. I had my parents day, and it made me so glad to hear parents saying, "Oh, my child loves you, and we are happy with you, and we appreciate all of your efforts." That definitely makes it all worth it. Even if the school doesn't give you the recognition or even enough money, just to know that you are making a difference is incredibly relieving and satisfying! One mother even said, "Teaching is the one profession that I admire above all of the others. I don't know why you guys choose it. I don't know how you guys do it!" And I was standing there, smiling, being like, "Yeah, it's a little crazy", while inside I'm trying desperately to hold on to my sanity.

Teaching can be incredibly frustrating where there are tears in your eyes because one of your kids is telling you that "blue" rhymes with "sky". And you have no idea how to correct him. This is the same child who writes "sister" as "ster". Then when you ask him what rhymes with "school", because you're helping him write rhyming words, your higher student across the room dances and says "school, cool!" Then you flip out. I had to leave the room for a minute to calm down because I think everything was coming to a head and getting all frustrating. I'm happy parents are happy, but I still have to deal with their wild children all day!

The weekends are my salvation as you know. We are all slowly going broke because we're trying to save, trying to pay off bills in all directions, trying to eat well, and trying to have fun at the same time (the most important part :)) But each weekend is always something new and exciting!  A brunch here, a birthday party there, and beach days and bars/nightclubs interspersed throughout. Maybe even a hop over to another country. Who knows? I actually went to a 20's themed bar at the Ritz Carlton with a friend for drinks on the bar's Tuesday jazz night. I felt like I was Daisy in The Great Gatsby. Dream.

My sister and I shared the same feeling that we miss America because of it's efficiency and natural beauty and the feeling of home it gives us. In school, we were learning about the seasons, so I bragged about Pennsylvania, and was like, "Well in MY country, all four of the seasons are very DISTINCT." That's right-I bragged about winter being cold and summer being hot and all the rest of 'em. They were amazed. Wowww, what's snow like? It was fun. So, I do miss America. I mentioned this to an old college friend who lives in Malaysia. I said I'd be going home after I finished my contract. He was like, "Oh, so you're JUST going to live in Lancaster and teach?"
Thanks, pal. Thanks. My fears of becoming a decrepit old woman living in her hometown and dying next to her fish tanks and litter boxes and spinning wheel are coming back to me. English is not his first language, so maybe he doesn't understand the meaning of the four-letter word "just". It could crush a soul! Make people do things they don't want to do! Don't worry, I corrected him then and there to say that "No, for heaven's sake, I would not be returning to JUST live in my hometown and teach. I don't really have any intention to teach for the rest of my life, and Lancaster's great, but I want to try somewhere new." So take that. I refuse to JUST do anything. JUST be depressed. JUST stop trying. JUST keep a job because it's a job. JUST live at home with my parents. JUST say yes because you're afraid. No no no. I'm too busy for JUST. I'm too hopeful for a good satisfying life for JUST. And gotta go, because right now, I'm JUST living it up.

Middle East Tour

So sorry for the delay! I've been busy as well as a little bit lazy in updating this. My goodness, is this a different year. All of the faults of our school are coming out from the darkness and into the light, and everyone feels the full brunt of the truth of disappointment. I'm getting to the point where (and my sister and brother-in-law can fully understand this), you've become this other person: this angry, impatient, and fed up person who remembers fondly the beauties of their country and desires to go back and have a normal life. My fellow coworkers and I are in the same boat. My flatmate and I were just discussing today how we miss fresh food and farmer's markets, dressing in shorts to go to the grocery store, a change in seasons, people who actually move quickly, and things working efficiently in the workplace. We're so sick of it. We're not sure how we're going to survive the rest of the year.

Well, I apologize for the ranting. It's just getting a bit overwhelming now. But, I wanted to travel in order to feel this feeling. I miss having a true home and a place to be and live. I will always love to travel, but I am a bit tired of this aimless wandering. Sharjah is my home, but only for the moment. I miss not being able to see my friends and family when I can. I missed my mother's 60th birthday party where almost all of my relatives could attend. I'm missing out on their lives in order to create and decide a life of my own. That was the whole point of this. But it wears on a person more than you know. I didn't realize that before I came. I had to do this in order to realize it.

Moving on, I have returned from my Middle East Tour which included Oman, Bahrain, and Saudi Arabia! I'm so excited that I was able to see all of those places because they're so close! Oman was beautiful. We rode four wheelers out in the desert and swam in the clear blue water in the rocky hills. In Saudi Arabia, I visited Katie and Matt. Amazing! What an experience. I'm so glad I got to go because not everyone can say that they've been there! They took me to one of their infamous Embassy parties, so my first night there was spent on a dance floor. Awesome. Then, the next day we drove out into the desert and saw something called "The Edge of the World". It was a cliff overlooking the vastness of the desert beyond. It was an empty place and completely silent. That's what I loved about it: the silence. It was so refreshing and revitalizing. I drank it all in. Over the course of my time, we wore abayas, and went for high tea in Riyadh, went to the market place (called a souk), and hung out with their friends. I loved it! Every woman was covered, but it didn't feel as scary as I expected. It was not as exciting and fun as Dubai, obviously, and I would never want to live there long-term, but it was nice to get away and visit.
And lastly, we went to Bahrain for my friends' Gaelic football tournament. It was an hour flight, and we flew into outside Manama. Interesting place. It's a small island, and 1 Bahrain dollar is worth 10 dirhams. So it was a little strange to see your taxi fare or your grocery bill to cost 5 BD. It makes you feel like you're paying nothing: so not trueeee. Anyway, we went out on the town and oh gosh, was it a prostitutey place. I mean, Dubai has its prostitutes, and you can spot them right away, but this place...Wow. You feel like a movie star because when you walk down the street it's literally ONLY men. So they yell out things like "Nice..." and "Meow." Ew. You don't go unnoticed because you stick out like a sore thumb. You're not covered like their wives and sisters, and you're not a prostitute from southeast Asia.
During the day we did the best thing ever. We spent our day on an island called Al Dar Islands, and laid out on the beach, swam, played volleyball in one of those water courts, and even rode jetskis. That's what's so nice about this country. Random rich Arab men will offer to let you drive their expensive toys like jetskis, no questions asked. So we rode on SUPERCHARGED jetskis that went so unbelievable fast, I got air! He laughed when I screamed as we ramped off of another boat's wake. It was awesome. The sun slowly dipped behind the water, and it was such a nice reminder to me how lucky I am to have seen as much as I have (despite my earlier rant). I have been so blessed and privileged and have seen so many lovely things, that it's easy to forget and to become jaded and take things for granted. But laying on that Bahraini beach and watching the sun go down and forgetting every other problem in the world was a moment to remember.
Coming up next...Home for Christmas December 18 to January 8!
Can't wait to experience fall and thanksgiving when I return to the states next year!